JOB

will anyone protest this state we're in. that we have to feel these feelings and pains. we relate to broken hearts but is that not sad that we do. people say pain is an indication that something is wrong. this life is wrong! we were not meant to experience this. salvation at world's end is not enough. salvation now is what i need. so i protest. i protest this condition. this harm. this pain that i cannot imagine could make me a better person. these are things i should never see. things i should never be. and if healing from this is possible, not only healing but complete recreation and restoration, then let it be. it is the sweetest thing i dream of. the longer i'm alive, the more broken i find myself to be. oh where is the path to be made whole. to completeness. i'm often lost to it. and so i protest. i protest this condition. and look for the salvation. the healing that comes not quickly enough. i protest. simple answers don't satisfy. i protest. oh will someone feel my pain with me. will someone take it from me. i protest.

Read and Be Filled!

There are times that you experience something so good that you only wish everyone else would be participating in it with you.

I have just finished reading a couple of the most excellent books and I would like to highly suggest them to you, my friends. In fact, I would almost go as far as to say that you will never know true happiness without reading these....no matter how much you may think you already know on this topic, there is always more growth we can strive for, yes? And I have never read a book that I can see applying to every personality type such these. (besides the Bible of course)

Please, I beg you to not be prejudice and put whatever pride you have aside and take up this reading material. Several people I have suggested this book to were really quite skeptical when they started (as was I...if it's slow and common sense at the beginning keep going...I promise it will be worth it) but they are fellow converts with me.

I realize I am often longwinded so I'll just give you the titles and wait to hear from you what you think once you read them:

'Boundaries' and 'Boundaries in Dating' by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

You need not be dating anyone to read the second book, as I am not either...but I still think it one of the greatest and most insightful books into yourself and others. Simply brilliant.

for you

i want to write you a love sonnet
to tell you how grateful i am for what you've done

to let you know how little i understand of you
but everything i know draws me only to know more of you

these words sound so silly to me sometimes
i feel they can't contain how much i want them to

i want to expand this mind and heart and soul
to more fully be possible to love you more

because everything i find new each day
is deeper and more intimate in every way

i begin to understand everything you've said to me
so many times before.
i begin to see more clearly what my eyes were looking at.

i learn more that this isn't ever over
that troubles will always come
but that you'll never let go

i just want to tell everyone how wonderful you've been to me.
i just want to share. but i don't know how.

because i feel like i sound silly.
i want to be more proud of me. sounding silly.

i used to be afraid of you.
i used to feel like the villain in all your stories.
i didn't know you. so why would i do what you wanted me to.

slowly you changed all that.
slowly i let you.
at first i was angry.
but then i began to see.

now you are always on my mind.
in the places only i used to be.

now you whisper trust to me.
now i know to hold on.
now i know you love me.

i'm not afraid to do the things you ask me.
and i'm not afraid to be me.
sounding silly.
for you.

Face to Face with Our Depravity

Try.
Fail.
Try Harder.
Fall Further.
Go through the motions.
Hoping they'll become true.

The cycle is dehumanizing.

Said you'd trust
but hold on
to those things that have failed you
as if they could save you
that you would rather choose them.

I won't let you let me feel less than I am worth.

Change comes from within.
By beholding we become.

'He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. and even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway... but God put his love on the line for us by offering his son in sacrificial death while we were of no use what-so-ever to him."

HERO STATUS

Robert Mason, professor of graphic design, chair of BFA at Andrews University, Homie of the Year 2007+...

Your life is most likely lacking if you have not met him, i'm sorry to say. but nonetheless...he has a blog! and you should check it out...

610g.blogspot.com

or in my list it the link ULTIMATE HOMIE :D

good stuff. enjoy!

Picture Proof, Short and Sweet :D

Nope, not a wig.

BULLS, AND HAIR, AND SCHOOL AGAIN

Last week I did a lot of things that are scary to me.
Last week was rough. In a lot of ways. But rough is good sometimes.
I find that as crappy as things get, I think I'd rather
they be that honest than to be pretend happy. I'm learning
that a lot recently. It's as if we don't even mean to,
but somehow naturally try to block out the things we need
to deal with. I don't know if that makes any sense.

But among the list of things I've done this week, are the following:

I applied to grad school. (In which ONE (1) applicant
will be awarded a FULL scholarship)....fingers crossed.
please pray.

I cut my hair (again). short-ish (again)
I feel younger slash older all at the same time.

I went to a rodeo. crazy. intense. surprisingly exhilerating?
i kinda liked it...wierd. animal cruelty? i dunno.
but much more fun than watching baseball i'd say :D

I am learning to trust God with EVERY part of my life.
Yet I'm learning to kick myself into jumpstarting what
I have been too lazy/afraid to do previously.
(aka...i'm learning to let God do what he does, and being
responsible to do what I do).

I guess everyone has lots to deal with, but pray for me,
and I'll pray for you...and I'm quite positive that
we'll be perfectly safe despite.

HELP

please pray

Prophet See, Prophet Hear, Prophet Be

'Your days are numbered,
Judgement is coming.'

words you would never wish to hear from God to you.

the sadness is in that ninety percent of the time you never will.
not seeing the need to run from these prisons that hold you.
until judgement is carried out.

but the beauty is in its recognition.
there hope and healing are found.
and the message completes its original purpose

that hoped for the chance to be heeded
and the lessons to be learned softly and firmly
without the need for the destruction
you couldn't see until it was upon you.

but grace is in that God can take you from wherever you are
and turn that into goodness

if only you turn to him.
his plans are perfect.
his ways are sure.

and he's already won.
may your ears hear the warnings.
and your heart accept the love you misinterpret as control
from the one that knows you best.
and loves you most.