Lately I've been giving death a lot of thought. I feel like I've been confronted by it more than usual recently, or at least I'm paying attention to it more.
When I was in California last week, I had this weird feeling almost like I was going to die, or something was going wrong. When I landed I got a call from my mom telling me the dad of one of my friends had died. It hit me really hard.
No one in my family has died while I have been alive to remember it. Even so, when people die around those close to me, I am drawn to think about it's implications. I feel like I am faced with the question of the worth of my life and how I live it.
Michael Jackson died yesterday at 50. That's so young. By those standards I am middle aged. It really goes to show that none of us really knows how long we have, and we should live that way.
I was listening to NPR interview the family of the first woman graduate of the Air Force and Military to be killed in combat. She was 25. Her family talked of all her accomplishments and how she moved forward so quickly in everything she did because she was impatient to live and do everything she could with her life. What hit me the most was her dad's quote, filled with happiness:
She lived her life as if she knew she only had 25 years to live it
WOW. I sat there thinking, I don't think I could say that about my life. I need to change something and quick. That one sentence has been on my mind so much recently. How did my heart get so cold?
I suppose we are all living under the shadow of death until the prince of this world is defeated. I hope to not just survive, but to really LIVE. With all the potential and purpose I was made for. That's what Jesus promised us after all was it not? Life to the fullest. Why settle for less.
There are a couple great songs about death that are my favorites:
Garage Voice: When a Man Comes to Death
Noah Gunderson: Oh Death
David Crowder Band: Come Awake
I know I didn't include links, but I'm sure you can find them if you wanted to badly enough, you techy peeps.
On a side note, I just found out that Donald Miller has a new book coming out, which I am very excited about, called 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years'.. if you haven't already read his most famous one: 'Blue Like Jazz' I highly suggest it. HIGHLY
5 comments:
words to think by and think by we shall.
Mmmm. Good thoughts Vanja. For me, I have to constantly work to put other before myself. And dang it is hard.
I think we really need to have like a bi-weekly group that meets and talks about stuff like this. Man.
death isn't even that scary to me anymore. as long as it isn't painful or suffering. i just want to do as much good in this world so others can expirience a better quality in life.
as many people who I know that have died, I should be used to death. I am, for the most part. I've seen all my grandparents die, distant relatives, longtime family friends, instructors, ect...
but, I still fear death so much. I fear my death, or of losing someone close to me, someone really important to me... not that all my distant relatives were not important... but their deaths werent sad for me. I didnt cry about it. I didnt mourn.
I fear dying before I get to really live my life. I mean, I've had some great moments in my life, but even at 30, I feel like it's just starting.. I worry some freak accident will happen to me, and I'll never really have ever done anything.
I know we shouldnt worry, or think like that, we should just focus on God, and the life he has waiting for us. BUT, I think its typical to think about death..
Deep...So I just got handed the book Blue Like Jazz....getting geared up to read it soon. Anyways thanks for your thoughts. Very refreshing.
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